Jan. 2nd, 2017

handypolymath: (number one)
I've gotten used to the rhythm of this seasonal affective thing, which means it still is a major bummer, but I can deal and I can talk about it and I can avoid self-sabotage for the most part.  A major mindset change was to let go of certain ideas.

~*~Daily practice is not the measure of diligence, but a daily record keeps you honest with yourself and is proof of accomplishment
I keep a daily log because deep in the winter weeks will run together for me, and there's a satisfaction in checking off a box that is slightly motivating.  But my goals are weekly, and I put things on there that are easy check marks as well as difficult.  My app has nonjudgmental iconography of calming blue progress circles (Loop Habit Tracker).

~*~Some backsliding is necessary--plan for it and don't waste effort in self-flagellation when it happens

Yes, necessary.  Not some inevitable evil or a sign that I'm failing.  I started running in September, and got to the point of running 10 minutes out of 25, which is honestly the most cardio fitness I've ever achieved.  I only ran once in December.  This...is not ideal, and I'll have to make up some ground when I go back, but the main thing is that I still fully expect to get back, and to piece together running a full mile sooner rather than later.  That in itself is a major change in outlook.

~*~More is not better

I keep thinking I'm going to write so much this weekend, just tear through my backlog of notes--but it's the daily puttering that's the source of more of my word count.  It's not the grand gesture that does it, it's opening up the docs on lunch or when I have a few moments and working on the first thing that catches my eye.

~*~Better is not better
Getting something off my desk imperfectly is far more productive than being polished.  Sketching the beats of a scene gives me something to flesh out later when I'm fiddling in the doc before sleep.  Draft, prototype, ease the way for next time.  Putting away the clothes for the first time in two months is, in fact, progress toward running because now I know where my gym socks are.  

~*~Getting back up and showing up is better
I've ranked my priorities and I'm learning to be honest about what I can accomplish--super fucking hard, but the payoff is that I know which marks I absolutely must hit, which are nice-to-have, and which are just drains on the system.  Some days all I seem to do right now is refocus on what I need to be doing, but since I stopped freaking out about having wandered off in the first place, it's a lot easier to get back.

~*~Assistance is not cheating

Self-care, self-soothing, asking for help, recharging, if something helps me hit those marks, I've stopped trying to wean myself off it like it's cheating to need or want it.  This was...a deeper thing to root out than I expected it to be.  This idea was tenacious, that it's not just what I accomplished, but also how I did it that would either count or not.  Like doing some light stimming while working on the monthly bills somehow means the bills aren't really getting paid.  Sounds ridiculous out loud, but there it is.   And holy hell is it easier to just use the fucking tools that help and get on with it.  People have planned wars from bathtubs.  It still sometimes feels hedonistic or childish, but the results are pure boss so I'm getting over it.

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handypolymath

Shitty First Drafts



19675 / 80000 words. 25% done!

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