handypolymath: (Default)
Just under the weather enough to have no energy, but not feeling sick enough to justify laying around like a turd.  And yet, turd-like I remain.  Words are failing me even though I wanted to get some writing done.  Maybe drawing might be the thing.

I want to make some art for my [community profile] wipbigbang entry, as the artist fell through and my story is bare of accompaniment.  I usually do a cover for stories that size, and I hadn't for this one because of the whole big bang aspect, and so now it keeps feeling unfinished at me.
handypolymath: (Default)
I wrote something! And like, finished it and everything.

Heat Beneath the Winter (2933 words) by feldman
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov
Characters: Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Steve Rogers
Additional Tags: Bars and Pubs, Dissociation, Reunion Sex, skeevy yet heartwarming grounding techniques

Because sometimes a bathroom stall fuck is a sweet reunion, a tender reassurance that the stakes you’re fighting for aren’t just global, but personal.

handypolymath: (bruce is bummed you're dumb)
Emergency Contact, the de-aged teenager piece is done.  I'm giving it until next weekend, and sending it out for beta, and I can't post it until the [community profile] wipbigbang goes live, but aside from all that I still have the out of sorts feeling that finishing a story tends to give me.

Glum, itchy to post, wanting to share but reluctant to close it out and call it done.  It's not a terrible case of it, since I have other pieces to turn to, but I still feel like a teething baby.

I have a writing mix for Emergency Contact, and normally I'd work on a cover for it, but with the whole artist+writer dynamic in the Big Bang, I'm reluctant to forge ahead with that part.  Especially since it's my first foray into official bigbangdom.

Dither, dither, fret, fret.
handypolymath: (reboot)
Pot of tea brewed, breakfast eaten, [community profile] wipbigbang story so damned close to completion it's taunting me, and the rest queued up behind are various levels of itch in my brain.

It's amazing the jolt a person can get from a piece of feedback, and I've gotten three amazing ones this week.  Humbling and motivating, sparkling deep jewel colors at me.  Letting me know that there are people at the other end of my work, liking it and being changed by it and looking for more.

I get a fair amount of kudos and likes, but actual feedback is a whole other level of sweet succor.  It's ice on a headache, it's a strong cuppa warming you from the inside.
handypolymath: (reboot)
In late February we moved into a new place and began sharing a house with my retired parents.  The good news is, they will neither starve nor be homeless.  Yay!  Then the leak started.  Within a week, the first floor of the house became a mold dank basement and the landlord was an ambitious contestant on America's New Top Slumlord.

So April has been taken up with evidence gathering, lawyers, rental-hunting, lease-breaking, pulling a second security deposit out of our ass, and moving a SECOND time since the end of February.  The good news is, we got the first security deposit back and are only out some cheap bookshelves and a lot of mental resources, but we'll get over it.

The new place has a better layout for kludging two households together, their ancient cat and our two young cats have a decent professional working relationship when Ancient Cat is not being a total catbag, and I can finally do fancy luxurious things like sit on my damned couch and write.

handypolymath: (bruce is bummed you're dumb)
[community profile] wipbigbang

I’ve signed up, looking to finish what @thassalia and I have been calling ‘The Teenager One’, our take on the de-aged trope (Nick, Natasha, Tony and Bruce)…

…because we’re sick fucks we traded in anklebiters for adolescents.  And then RL derailed, as it does, and I’ve been chipping away at it, but I think the extra push to finish will be good.  I might even find a decent title.


Sign-ups Begin- March 24th
Sign-ups Close- April 7th
Snippets Due- May 14th
Art Claims Begin- May 17th
Rough Drafts Due- June 18th
Final Drafts/Art Due- July 8th
Posting- July 8th 

So if you’ve got a WIP to hustle through, if you make art or mix music or make gifs, come join in!  Keep me company! 
handypolymath: (Default)
The benefit of the Great Recession Downsizing a few years back is that spouse and I are aces at packing, moving, throwing shit out and relocating.  So far, the new household of four adults, a teen and three cats is integrating rather well, all things considered.  The rents are still wrestling with forty-plus years of *stuff*, but spouse and I are mostly unpacked by this point.

And we're making some progress on the front of "this new place cannot digest your whole house, only the things you actually need and use."  It's a process.

So fucking sore and tired, though.  After weeks, I'm finally getting some writing in this afternoon.  Okay, so I;m mainly staring at Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries, but there's also some writing happening in between cups of tea and whimpering.

In other news, the kiddo has begun writing fanfic on Wattpad.  Because apparently that kind of thing breeds true.

handypolymath: (bruce is bummed you're dumb)
~*~Bronchitis is abating
~*~Work exploded a little
~*~We're moving in just a few weeks

The moving thing...we've known for years that we'll eventually join households with one or both of my parents. Due to the vagaries of medical expenses for them, this time has come sooner than expected.  So the primary project right now is sorting and packing our house, and cheering on my seventy year old parents who haven't moved since 1973.  There are some confounding factors.

Dad became a homeowner at 27 and thought he'd be buried out of that house.  He's been struggling against the economy since Reaganomics, so the fact that he kept and paid off that house and had a modest retirement to begin with is massively impressive.  Then the Great Recession slashed and burned his savings, he had to retire early due to medical necessity, and, well, here we are at this juncture.  I'm so very happy he spoke up before they hit zero, and incredibly grateful we've made it to a place where we can swoop in and be their safety net as planned.

Mom is, to put it gently, a pack rat.  We have tangled a few times with hoarding, when we cleared out her mother's house, and when we had to clean out her flooded basement.  While the house we're renting has enough room for four adults and a ten-year-old, it does not have room to store the ice skates you haven't worn since college.  No, do not throw away the boxes of negatives as well, Jesus, those can be digitized at the very least.

I'm still crawling up the slope back out of winter, so this is going rather fast because Mr. F is a very efficient person from German WASP stock.  This is not a bad thing, it's just I'd rather be taking a nap and not having to consider soundproofing our new bedroom. Sigh.

In other news, my new optical Rx is for bifocals.  Fuck me.

To-do List

Jan. 30th, 2017 08:57 pm
handypolymath: (reboot)
~*~Get over bronchitis
~*~Continue writing daily to stay sane
~*~Fight for liberty, justice, democracy, free press, etc, etc.

I'm pooped, but I'm spinning it to myself as the tired of going to the gym and getting stronger.  I'm figuring out the balance of staying informed and motivated without sliding into paralyzed anxiety.  I'm getting better at blowing up my Congresscritters's phones.  I've possibly recruited my dad into making calls.  I'm in this for the long haul, so I'm aiming for consistency and greatest impact.  I'm pissed, frankly.

In other news, I hate bronchitis.  My ribs are sore, and my chest is tight whenever the effing inhaler wears off.  I'm off to bed soon.

I didn't write yet today, but I did work out some plot with Thassalia, and there's still time to get a few sentences into googledocs before the cough syrup kicks in.  Wish me luck!

handypolymath: (squee)
Take one bad ass former Russian assassin and one brilliant scientist with anger issues and (Hulk) smash them together for this amazing, reversible, beaded herringbone bangle, Gammassassin." --MariaOfAllTrades

I got it today! It’s gorgeous! Maria has been making some stunning pieces for the Once upon A Time fandom, but is very open to custom work for anything your heart may desire.  She's a consummate professional and has a great artistic eye. Working with her to create this piece was a lot of fun, and now that I have it on my hot little wrist I'm so very pleased! 
woven bead bracelet in reflected stripes of black, dark red, bright red and gold

This is the Natasha side, the beetle-black armored exterior, the signature reds, the buried heart of gold. It fall perfectly on my wrist where I wanted it to go. Most of these beads are silver-lined, so they have a lovely sheen in the light.

woven bead bracelet in reflected stripes of brown, eggplant, green and chartreuse

This is the Bruce side, the mild brown exterior (that color is Root Beer : ), the pop of purple and green, the streak of gamma in the center.  The beads are set against each other in a herringbone, so the bracelet has a fascinating texture and give similar to woven leather, or fine-grain chain mail, but very little weight.

bracelet twisted to show both reversible sides

REVERSIBLE, baby.  Two great tastes that go great together.  A very meaningful piece that’s subtle, a pleasure to wear, and frankly goes with about 97% of my wardrobe.

handypolymath: (squee)
More Joy Day crept up on me, I must admit--turns out I've got the bronchitis, so I spent the afternoon in urgent are getting my first ever breathing treatment.  I love that the wheezing has abated, though the cough hurts worse because it goes deeper now.  I'm not a fan of the albuterol shakes.  And so it goes.

My contribution to More Joy Day is to set up monthly donations to the ACLU and the Southern Poverty Law Center.  I've been doing it manually, but they're able to to do more and budget better if I go automatic, and I can swing it, so I will.

The piece Thassalia and I expressly started as fun kinky smut has grown emotions and a plot and might even be canon compliant if you squint.  I'm certainly giving it the side-eye these days.  The teenager one has got some momentum, I just need the focus and the time to knock out some of the scenes that are waiting in the wings.  The roadtrip fic is plugging away slowly--I've resolved enough plot that I'm compelled to rework the writing mix, because I know which songs clearly don't belong.

Imma lie down somewhere warm with comics.

handypolymath: (bruce is bummed you're dumb)
This is what I've missed about a more active fandom space--things like More Joy Day, and conversation and depth.  Breathing room.  Appreciation, not just of the source material that sparks something inside that makes me want to talk and create and hash out--but also appreciation of the people in this community.

Awww, fandom : )

I've spent the last two days on the cusp of writing and just not getting started.  Staring at things instead.  As I do this time of year.  I'm giving it another shot today, but if it isn't happening and I wander off the page, then I need to close the laptop and read a fucking book instead.  Or get out the pencils and pens.

I did some doodling yesterday, which is good because I want to draw more and care a lot less about how childish and bad my art is.  I used to love drawing in high school, and I was not terrible when I was doing it regularly, it's definitely a channel of expression that I just need to flush the sediment out of and get the flow back and I can progress from there.

This morning I did some yoga. A few months ago Thassalia recommended 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene, which was $1, and which has been sitting waiting for me to start it since then.  So far so good.  I should probably get a yoga mat, that's a thing, right?  GingerCat and I had a discussion about being good partners (yes, he can hang out under the downward dog, but no, not with claws up and extended).  CocoaCat demonstrated her own poses like it was a revelation that she now has stretching in common with her apes.

I also started loading my music mixes into a spare google drive account.  It occurs to me that I should zip them, for sharing.  More to come on that as I figure out a system.  How do other folks who mix and share do this kind of thing these days?

I need more icons.  But that's for another day, when I won't feel bad about spending four hours on the laptop not-writing.
handypolymath: (reboot)
Still working my way through the Friending Meme, but welcome aboard!  Add or prune however you wish, I'm not going to be upset if my journal is trimmed--I keep a minimal reading list because if there's too much to read I end up not posting.

One of the things I've been working on with Thassalia is a de-aged piece--this is her brainchild but I've been running with it since she's dealing with a ton of RL.  Teenagers, man.  She left me with teenagers.  Brilliant, messy, violent, horny, desperate, driven people who are already neck deep in their arcs even though they don't know it, only suspect it.

The writing mix shuffles between Natasha, Nick, Bruce and Tony.  And before I started this project, I would not have paired 15-year-old Tony Stark with "Bad Girls" by M.I.A., but there you are.

*sigh*  Speaking of which, I really need to tackle the Nick and Natasha steal a Cessna scene.  Without going down the rabbit hole of small aircraft research.
handypolymath: (number one)
I've gotten used to the rhythm of this seasonal affective thing, which means it still is a major bummer, but I can deal and I can talk about it and I can avoid self-sabotage for the most part.  A major mindset change was to let go of certain ideas.

~*~Daily practice is not the measure of diligence, but a daily record keeps you honest with yourself and is proof of accomplishment
I keep a daily log because deep in the winter weeks will run together for me, and there's a satisfaction in checking off a box that is slightly motivating.  But my goals are weekly, and I put things on there that are easy check marks as well as difficult.  My app has nonjudgmental iconography of calming blue progress circles (Loop Habit Tracker).

~*~Some backsliding is necessary--plan for it and don't waste effort in self-flagellation when it happens

Yes, necessary.  Not some inevitable evil or a sign that I'm failing.  I started running in September, and got to the point of running 10 minutes out of 25, which is honestly the most cardio fitness I've ever achieved.  I only ran once in December.  This...is not ideal, and I'll have to make up some ground when I go back, but the main thing is that I still fully expect to get back, and to piece together running a full mile sooner rather than later.  That in itself is a major change in outlook.

~*~More is not better

I keep thinking I'm going to write so much this weekend, just tear through my backlog of notes--but it's the daily puttering that's the source of more of my word count.  It's not the grand gesture that does it, it's opening up the docs on lunch or when I have a few moments and working on the first thing that catches my eye.

~*~Better is not better
Getting something off my desk imperfectly is far more productive than being polished.  Sketching the beats of a scene gives me something to flesh out later when I'm fiddling in the doc before sleep.  Draft, prototype, ease the way for next time.  Putting away the clothes for the first time in two months is, in fact, progress toward running because now I know where my gym socks are.  

~*~Getting back up and showing up is better
I've ranked my priorities and I'm learning to be honest about what I can accomplish--super fucking hard, but the payoff is that I know which marks I absolutely must hit, which are nice-to-have, and which are just drains on the system.  Some days all I seem to do right now is refocus on what I need to be doing, but since I stopped freaking out about having wandered off in the first place, it's a lot easier to get back.

~*~Assistance is not cheating

Self-care, self-soothing, asking for help, recharging, if something helps me hit those marks, I've stopped trying to wean myself off it like it's cheating to need or want it.  This was...a deeper thing to root out than I expected it to be.  This idea was tenacious, that it's not just what I accomplished, but also how I did it that would either count or not.  Like doing some light stimming while working on the monthly bills somehow means the bills aren't really getting paid.  Sounds ridiculous out loud, but there it is.   And holy hell is it easier to just use the fucking tools that help and get on with it.  People have planned wars from bathtubs.  It still sometimes feels hedonistic or childish, but the results are pure boss so I'm getting over it.
handypolymath: (Default)
 It looks like the last thing I linked here was Frog in a Blender, which was written in a prolonged feverish strop with Thassalia after we made the mistake of starting to rant to each other about how painfully terrible the Natasha/Bruce pairing was handled in AoU.  That turned into a Red Room Remix fic featuring the whole crew, and a writing partnership that has kept both of us sane since.

Then we had a dozen American Red Room kids to play with, so we wrote a sequel: Bombpop.

Then I did a collaboration with Bynightafangirl and wrote six short pieces for her AU gifsets: Stuff Your Stockings with AUs and Candy.

Thassalia and I broke out the artist colony AU into a full-sized story where no one's super, nearly everyone's an artist, and Nick Fury is a retired Coast Guard admiral who owns a yarn shop: Hulkasaurus.  That one has a small coda: Gang Aft Agley.

Then Thassalia wrote some wicked hot post-Avengers threesome character study smut (and I helped! but I feel like it was more cheerleading/deep beta/occasional writing than our usual partnerships): Trigonometry for the Genetically Enhanced.

I wrote a little Ghostbusters: Abigail Tiberius Yates.

I wrote some short MCU pieces: Extra Nuts and Odd Screws.  I wrote something a little longer but not much: Slushie.

I started curating my MCU writing mixes and cover art by story: Keeping Score of the Incidental.

And most recently, Thassalia and I posted our time-travel Cold War romp: Relatives in Spacetime.

So...I apparently spent a lot of the last year in Googledocs.

handypolymath: (number one)
 It was past time for a lot of reasons, and I'd long ago imported it all to DW, but it was still something I had to work up to.  But honestly, I'd written more than one large fic I hadn't even bothered to link to, so I've cleaned that up and will update here a little more frequently.  Tumblr is pretty but I miss talking, like, to people.
handypolymath: (bruce is bummed you're dumb)
You want to know my secret?  I always create a writing mix (or in this case, several):

Pacing the Cage - Bruce Cockburn
That Banner was still in the tower actually surprised her. No. That he was still in the country surprised her; once the location narrowed down to US, it was a given he’d be in the tower.
Disorder in the House - Warren Zevon
Fortunately it’s an intense burst that burns out quickly: he rips open most of the bunkers, yanks apart a 47 ton T-90 tank which audibly makes Stark choke up with some undefined emotion, then tears off across farmland into the sunset.
I Need Some Sleep - The Eels
Natasha sits on the floor of the quinjet with him as he sleeps for hours, face bruised and drawn.
Stolen Prayer - Alice Cooper
Being told you could sip from that cup, that it was okay, even when you knew that was a lie? It’s a heady, sickening feeling.
The Real You - Alan Watts (remixed by Colorpulse)
She wills herself still as it moves to her hand, delicate like wanting to stroke caterpillar fuzz. His fingerprint is pebbled on her palm, the human grain writ large and tough like ray skin.
Hope for the Hopeless - A Fine Frenzy
But there’s a…a freedom in the idea that control is possible. That I could live within those bounds. Even after yesterday, it still seems like a fantasy, and…hard to believe in. But to stay here, I have to make the effort at giving it a shot.
Unholy Dirty and Beautiful - David Usher
She just needs to ask for his help, but the barrier to that sits heavily in her chest, as awkward as the unsent messages on her phone.
Hang Me Out to Dry - Cold War Kids
Banner had been focused, intent on the training mission Steve had given, “clear that hillside”, but the rawness of his emotional state had spilled over, and everyone’s ears were still ringing from the inchoate bellowing.
All Mine - Portishead
Suddenly Bruce freezes, his visual field searing white around the edges, the pounding heartbeat coming out of nowhere.
Underneath It All - Scala
He continues, flat and hollow. “And I didn’t have control. Just for a second. But it was long enough.”
Somewhere (From “West Side Story”) - Tom Waits
Bruce covers his eyes and laughs up at the ceiling. How would he even describe a bed of pillows and dusty curtains and two battered people who embody the concept of keeping things close to the vest?
handypolymath: (Default)
These started out as writing mixes when [livejournal.com profile] thassalia  and I were working on Frog in a Blender, and at the point where I had a spreadsheet for these things, I figured putting them onto 8tracks was probably a better idea...


Self-definition for self-burned spies - track list

Season of the Witch - Lou Rawls
Watching him watch her becomes a small game, another exercise to keep her hand in.

A Better Version of Me - Fiona Apple
She runs through her own repetitions, crafting identities, job applications, a door-to-door in-home survey of all the humans she could have been and still could be.

Ice Age - How to Destroy Angels
It rocked her back, because she was never really a ballerina but she had trained hard, had risen up on her toes until they broke and bled.

Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
He sits on the floor in front of her, still careful not to loom, as if she could have gotten anywhere if she were susceptible to looming.

Rise Up With Fists - Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins
He has alluded to Triggers and the Things That Help to others before, fending off questions, providing just enough information, but he’s never laid the whole eclectic list out for anyone before…

I Wish I Knew - Nina Simone
Can it really be called choice when all your options are bad, or when the only thing on the table is a chance of survival?

Doll Parts - Hole
Seeing Natasha turn herself off so effortlessly, become so completely someone she’s fabricated–perhaps on the walk over–that it seems there’s no fourth wall to even break…it gives him a sense of just how hard she’s been working to stay present in herself with him.

True, Part III - Concrete Blonde
Natasha sinks down onto her knees, a supplicant on the edge of the expensive handwoven carpet,and looks up into the woman’s eyes. “I know who I am,” she turns Madame’s hand and presses a kiss of fealty, “and where I belong.”

Me, I’m Not - Nine Inch Nails
Natasha is awash in hotel rooms and train stations, her hands full of steering wheels and silk ties and the familiar Hogue grip of her Glock, the meaty scent of blood and the smoky vapor of bourbon…

Fortunate Son - Catey Shaw
“I build more than I break.” Natasha looks up into her eyes, willing her to understand, “I renovate.”

entry on tumblr

handypolymath: (bruce is bummed you're dumb)
Powerovernothing has an excellent post on the characterization of Bruce Banner, which [livejournal.com profile] thassalia and I enthusiastically agreed with.

Adieangel started a thread about the recent trend to assume fandom is/was a youth space, especially regarding X-files fandom.  Though I think it's oddly in theme for that fandom to retcon it's own history, on a meta level, it's still weird to me that people think it was a YA show, since Fox was desperately trying to put on its big network pants at the time.

Fuckyeahblackwidow is a chewy resource for Natasha Romanoff thinky thoughts.  Thea and I riffed off that for a bit.

In the category Fic & Meta Fight Crime Together: a call for fandom creativity to be inclusive, Steve Rogers edition.

handypolymath: (Default)
Writing in response to this post on Tumblr by Linzeestyle.

I mourn how fallow DW/LJ have gotten, which is why I created a Tumblr when I started writing again. And the pictures are pretty, but having been through a bunch of fandom formats, I’m well aware of the pros and cons of this one even as I’m still learning how this one plays out.

The format of Tumblr is incredible for visuals, which is great for artists as well as folks who like to work with graphics or make gifsets and such. I still have a photobucket account I only got to upload graphics to LJ--an assache I’m glad to be rid of.

I like how music mixes are a thing now, easily cross-platformed with 8tracks. I’ve always made mixes, and there’s an easier channel to share them now.

I find attribution difficult to track, which I think is one thing that feeds into the feeling that content just appears magically. Posts don’t have a home, by design.

I regret the ephemeral nature of the tumblr medium, it’s curation of a stream of consciousness; blogs and journals accumulated more readily visible character in the way of links to fic/deviant art/websites, memory posts, people’s accustomed icons, etc.

Reading pages and threaded comments are social networks in action, it’s space for conversation and getting to know people.

I think exploring how we can cross-pollinate and get the best of what each has to offer is WHAT FANDOM DOES! It doesn’t die, but it does break apart and scatter and find more fertile ground for what it wants to do--which is why tumblr took off in the first place, for the benefits above. But it’s a rocky salty environment for meta and fic.

Tumblr is like trying to have a salon discussion by way of the game of telephone.

Cross-posted to my Tumblr
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